Save Me From Myself
by aggiecullen10
Summary: Bella is in pain, lost and feeling all alone in the world. Not able to put her past behind her she resorts to extremes to numb the emotional pain that eats away at her soul. Can Edward save her from herself before its to late?
1. Prolouge

**A/N: I do not own any of the Twilight characters they belong to Stephanie Meyer, I have just taken her brilliant novel and tweaked it a little to make a whole new story.**

They say time heals all wounds. Well whoever "they" is should really get a kick in the ass because they were wrong, time only masks them. That pain lays dormant, hidden deep down but it never really goes away. Then one day it comes back brought by some type of trigger which can be something as simple as a song, or even just a particular day of the year. It usually starts with a sharp stabbing pain in the chest which continues to pierce and throb, you lose your breathe and have a hard time getting it back. You become dizzy and disorientated even the most simple of tasks become difficult. Unable to sleep you stare at the ceiling for hours and when you finally sleep from exhaustion your dreams are plagued by nightmares. Constantly being on the verge of tears or maybe even an all out breakdown that keeps you on edge. Desperately trying to keep it all inside so everyone thinks your okay, not wanting anyone to know that you're beginning to fall apart at the seams. Being vulnerable is difficult, it is much easier to put up a charade and hide the pain inside. But sometimes the pain becomes too great and even the best actors cannot hide it. The pain isolates you from others making you feel absolutely alone, you want to reach out but only to find yourself crawling deeper into your own personal hell, with no one there to save you from yourself.

**A/N: So….. tell me what you think, this is my first published fan fiction, I have been working on it for awhile. Constructive criticism is wonderful!!!!! I will try an update as frequently as I can but I am a senior at Texas A&M University WHOOP!! So I stay pretty busy needless to say.**


	2. Forks

**BPOV**

"Fork, here I come." I muttered bitterly. Since Phil is a minor league baseball player and travels all the time he figured my father Charlie could give me more stability than he could. "Hhm." I chuckled at Phil's logic. The problem with this idea is that Charlie never really had to be father before, my mother took care of me for the short time we lived with him before the divorce. I used to spend a few weeks every summer with Charlie and it was extremely awkward. He seemed very uncomfortable to be alone with me and tended to leave me to entertain myself when I visited. A few tears started to escape from my eyes. I felt absolutely alone in the world. I quickly wiped them away,

I looked out the side of the plane and saw the vast wilderness of Washington. Everything is green its enough to give you a migraine if you are not used to it.

Then the past week of my life flashed though my mind and I felt like I was on the edge of a breakdown so I tried to shift my thoughts elsewhere but failed miserably.

"_Bella?" Phil called through the house, I figure he was telling me that my mom was coming home from the hospital today, she was having some abdominal pain so they admitted her for some tests, I wanted to visit but Phil told me it would be better if I stayed home. So for the past three days I have been alone wondering what was going on. Phil kept assuring me that everything was fine, I was stupid enough to believe him. "I'm coming!" I yelled, I closed my book and got up and walked into the kitchen. Phil was sitting at the kitchen table, he has his hands folded and was wringing them together, he had a fake smile plastered on his face."Bella, why don't you have a seat." Phil said, there was a lot of strain in his voice. I sat down slowly and eyed him over carefully. He had a pained look on his face, beads of sweat were accumulating on his forehead. He also had large bags under his eyes which I figured was from sleeping on a chair at the hospital. "When is mom coming home?" I asked him, really beginning worry. Then he said the worst combination of words in the English language. "Your mom passed away this morning." He was barely able to finish his sentence before beginning to weep. I couldn't believe what I just heard, I wanted to believe it was a joke and that she was going to walk through the door any second but of course she didn't. My chest began to tighten, it felt like I was shot in the chest and my heart was throbbing painfully each throb felt like someone was kicking me in the chest. I managed to choke out several deep breaths before beginning to break into hysterical sobs. I slid off of the chair and onto the floor and curled up into a ball and continued sobbing, the pain was unbearable and I had no idea that it was possible to endure that type of emotional agony it was the kind of pain I associated with dying, not dealing with someone else's death. I was in disbelief I had been told that she was okay I had no idea that anything was majorly wrong. I wanted answers, what happened? It took all the strength I had to pick myself of the floor "Phil, how?" I managed to squeak out. I looked over and saw him sitting in the living room so I picked myself of the floor and sat across from him. He looked at me and then began to explain. "They did all kinds of tests on her, MRI, CAT scans, x-rays, ultrasounds and couldn't find anything. Then they went to get blood and it was brown, the doctor told me that meant there was a build up of wastes in her blood showing her kidneys were failing." Then he took a deep breath, "The doctors did exploratory surgery and found that her small intestine had twisted itself and about a foot of it was dead they removed it and hoped for the best. About an hour later she began to code they tried to save her but it was too late, she was gone." Phil got up and walked away, I guess it was too painful to be around me. I was in disbelief just three short days ago she was fine.. I got up of the chair and walked back into my room, slammed the door and fell onto my bed and began to sob. I didn't sleep that night._

_The next morning Phil drove me to the florist and dropped me off, he told me to pick out the arrangements for the funeral. He was going to go to the funeral home to make the preparations for the funeral. I numbly looked at all the photographs of the flowers and was irritated by the bubbliness of the florist. I was picking out funeral arrangements not ones for a happy occasion like a wedding. Finally I picked out a set that had gerbera daises as the main flower, "This one," I meekly told her. "Gerbera daisies were my mom's favorite." The days leading up to the funeral were surreal, we were bombarded with casseroles, desserts and sympathy, people really don't seem to understand that the last thing you want is apology after apology to keep to constantly remind you of your pain. Phil mostly kept to himself the only time I saw him was when I ran into him was when our paths crossed at home. _

_My mother's funeral was the most unbearable experience of my life. I would have gladly taken being hit by a truck over this. As is tradition I donned all black, a knee length plain skirt, although I hate them I thought I owed my mother that much, black flats because heels were out of the question due to my "gracefulness". The top I wore was a fit short sleeved black polo. Ok I know I am not much for fashion. My heart sank as I walked into the church, immediately everyone went quiet and eyed us. I wanted to be invisible. The part of the funeral I was dreading most was almost here, seeing her body. I began to shake almost uncontrollably as we neared the casket. Phil put his arm around me to try and comfort me, as if anything could comfort me at this point. Then I saw her, it was not as bad as I had imagined, she looked peaceful as if she was sleeping. They had put her favorite outfit on her at my request; it was her favorite pair of blue jeans and blue flowery long sleeved shirt. Not elegant or a fashion statement by any means but she would not have wanted to be dressed up like a Barbie doll. I shuddered at the thought of the mortician dressing my mother like a huge doll. Then I took a not out of my pocket I had written to her:_

_**Mom, **_

_**I know that children are supposed to outlive their parents but this is ridiculous I am only seventeen, your not supposed to leave me so soon it isn't fair, I know that you did not choose this and I do not want you to think that I blame you for this at all. I am certain that you are up in heaven looking down on me right now and that is somewhat comforting. I can't pretend that I am going to be okay without you, I am so happy that you are at peace but I cannot help but feel lost and alone. I still need you; I have so many things I wish I could have told you. I hope you know how much I love you and how you are my hero. You sacrificed so much for me and for that I can never express how much that means to me. You taught me how to be strong and independent and I know that you will never really leave me; you will always be in my heart. I love you mom, and I will see you again someday.**_

_**Love forever and always your daughter,**_

_**-Bella**_

_I then took the note and tucked into her hand that was the first dead body I had ever touched. It was one of the most disturbing feelings I have ever experienced, so cold and hard almost like touching granite. I will never forget how it felt. I my hands began to shake uncontrollably and tears began streaming down my face, the first of many tears that day. I numbly sat through the service, the preacher then asked if anyone had anything they would like to say. Normally I am very shy and would never get up in front of an audience but I had to say how I felt, I was so guilty for not letting her know how much I loved her I needed to say it now. I walked slowly up to the podium took a deep breath and began, "My mother was the most amazing person, she was so selfless, she would do anything she could for me, she held me when I cried and taught me right from wrong." My voice began to waiver and I could feel myself beginning to breakdown. "I love her so much; I have no idea how I am supposed to go on without her. I guess I can take some comfort in the fact that she is in heaven right now and that she is happy." That did it, I could not hold back any longer. I began to sob uncontrollably and I sank to the ground. _

I was pulled out of my flashback by the flight attendant on the intercom, "American Airlines would like to welcome you to Port Angeles, Washington. The temperature is 46 degrees and drizzling. Wow apparently we had landed while I was in my nightmare. When we finally taxied at the gate I grabbed my carry one and sluggishly walked off the plane and went to the baggage claim. "Hey kiddo I have missed you so much!" I quickly turn around and see my father Charlie. "Hey dad, it has been a long time." I told him and managed to give him a weak smile. He then looked at the ground and shuffled his feet, "I'm sorry Bells, I am glad to have you with me I just wish it could have been under better circumstances." then pulled me into a hug, I was slightly shocked at first but gave into the hug and told him, "Me too." Charlie gathered up my meager luggage and we headed out of the terminal to his police car and drove off to Forks and my new life.


	3. Home

**A/N: As you are all aware of I'm sure I am not Stephanie Meyer so I don't own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I was absolutely mortified to have to be driven around in a police car, it's the best way to get unwanted attention. I'll say this much, when you move to a town of about three thousand , you're the police chief's daughter who's mother just died and is starting a new school in the middle of the year, I am bound to be the center of attention, great. We drove for about an hour, the green landscape seriously giving me a major headache. The constant green blur just kept on going and going. I kept stealing glances over at Charlie, he just kept his eyes on the road and shifted in his seat whenever I would look at him. Then we arrived in town and with my luck we got caught be every stupid light we went through and of course people gawked at me in the car like I was the main attraction at a carnival side show, obviously they have no sense of personal space and privacy. I just sunk into my seat and looked at the floor to avoid eye contact with anyone but I could still feel eyes staring at me.

"Well here we are." Charlie said as he pulled into the drive way.

I looked at the house and it hasn't changed since the last time I was here. Silently I got out of the car and went to grab my bags from the trunk, "I got it Bells, you go ahead and go inside."

Charlie said as he reached for my bags, "Thanks," I mumbled and headed up the stairs to my room.

He came behind me and dropped my bags on the floor. Charlie stared at them for a few seconds, I guess he was trying to figure out what to say to me and the silence between us was painfully awkward. Finally he sighed and said"Bella, I am so sorry about what's happened I know that I haven't been much of a father but I am going to try."

He kept on staring at the ground and rubbing his neck, quite frankly I was surprised at how Charlie was trying to connect with me. "I signed you up for school and your first day is tomorrow, well unless you need a few days off." Charlie said as he continued to rub his neck.

"No I want to start tomorrow, try to move on." I said trying to keep my voice as steady as possible it wavered but he still bought it. "Well okay then, school starts at eight and I got you some supplies, there on your desk." He gestured towards the desk and sure enough there were a few spirals, a binder, loose leaf paper, pens, pencils and highlighters.

"Thanks dad," I said sitting down on the bed. Charlie looked at the door and said, "Well good night." and then he walked out.

I knew that this was coming, that I was going to be all alone but I was still sucker punched in the stomach by a sudden by a wave of loneliness and pain. I looked around round the room and rolled my eyes, Charlie hadn't touched much in this room all these years, all my childhood artwork was still up and it had the same yellow curtains and white walls. It had the same bed, but with a different purple bedspread which was undoubtedly picked out by someone besides Charlie. Don't get me wrong I love Charlie but he is just in his own little world, he knows nothing about being a parent and is scared to death of having to deal with emotional issues and especially scared of crying. He has no idea what to do about it so he ignores it which works for me since I am the suffer in silence type a trait I undoubtedly got from Charlie. My old rocking chair from when I was a baby is still in the corner and the same old desk, except it has a new addition, a new laptop. I was so surprised, I walked over to it and there was a note on top,

** _ Bells,_**

_** The old computer was really slow and I figured you could use this for your school work. **_

_** Love,**_

_** Dad**_

"Wow", I chuckled as I looked at the laptop. "Charlie is really trying to connect with me." I whispered.

My thoughts began to betray me and they began to wander to my mother and my past. Tears began to fall from my eyes, I quickly wiped them away and grabbed my bag and headed to the bathroom. I threw it on the floor and slowly got into the shower. I turned the water on and stepped into the steady stream of hot water and immediately began to relax my body, my mind however would be impossible to relax. My mind kept repeating all of the events not only of the past week but of the past several years. I was trying to get a grip on my emotions but failing miserably. The tears flowing from my eyes were relentless and my body was completely numbed by the pain. Frustrated with myself and my weakness I slammed off the water and stepped out of the shower and dried myself off and put on a pair of dark blue athletic shorts and a gray tank top. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and was disgusted, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot form crying, my eyes had large purple bags underneath and my whole complexion was really pale. I sighed and grabbed my things and walked back into my room. I dug out a picture of my mom and me that Phil had taken at their wedding in Mexico, we were on the beach. I placed it on the nightstand and crawled in to my bed and began to sob, I cried so hard that my sides were aching and I couldn't breath. After awhile I felt completely numb which is an eerie way to feel, desperate to get rid of the numbness I grabbed my makeup bag and dug through it until I found what I was searching for, my razor. I had learned this from an old "friend" when I was thirteen. Some friend she was, that girl was the catalyst in all the things that happened to me that I will never be able to recover from and will haunt me forever. I know that what I'm doing is really stupid and dangerous but I am past the point of caring. I was broken before my mother died, now I'm completely and utterly shattered. I am worthless, stupid and pathetic but I still can't bring myself to end my own life sad really death would much easier. But I refuse to go down that road again.

The physical pain from the cutting eases the numbness and makes me feel like I exert some type of control over my life. I took the blade and dragged it across my arm. The pain from the cut is a welcome feeling and the warm crimson flow down my arm is a masochistic gratification. I ran the razor over the cut again and again until I was satisfied with the depth of it, I avoid to many cuts because I don't want my arm to be covered in scars. I then took it and drug it across the palm of my hand and immediately regretted it,"Crap, now I'm going to need an excuse!" That was incredibly stupid I can't hide that cut like the others. Looking down at my arm there was a small puddle of blood on the hardwood floor I grabbed some bandages and quickly cleaned up all the blood and covered my cuts, then collapsed in my bed and started to listen to my ipod and listened to my favorite song, and eventually passed out from exhaustion.

_She's got a bumper like a billboard covered in stickers of her favorite band_

_She's got a handful or records that she turns to when she needs to land_

_She's a Saturday night parade through the streets that all eyes come to see including me_

_She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets_

_She should of let some go by now but can't seem to drop it_

_Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul_

_That never rolls_

_For as much as she's stumbled she's runnin'_

_For as much as she runs she's still here_

_Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven to make the damage of her days disappear _

_Just like Guinevere_

_Just like Guinevere _

_She don't hold on to nothing new for very long, she'll write you in and its just one more tale and then you're gone_

'_Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard and no one gets to stay its just to late_

_For as much as she's stumbled she's running_

_For as much as she runs she's still here_

_Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven to make the damage of her days disappear _

_Just like Guinevere_

_Just like Guinevere_

_For as much as she's stumbled she's runnin'_

_For as much as she runs she's still here _

_For as much as she's stumbled she's runnin'_

_For as much as runs she's still here_

_Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven to make the damage of her days disappear_

_Just like Guinevere_

_Just like Guinevere_

_Lean into me Guinevere_

_Be mine tonight Guinevere_

**A/N: **

**The song is Guinevere by Eli Young Band, they are an amazing Texas country group, and it perfectly fits Bella's character for this story. I have only just begun to show you some of Bella's demons, there is much more to come. Alright so what do ya'll think? I want your opinions and if you have any ideas or things you would like to see let me know I am always looking for ideas! I promise that the chapters are going to get longer! Please, please , please, please review!!!!**


	4. Author's Note Finals

Howdy!

Well that time of the semester has finally come, finals (*hisses*). So I have the fourth chapter almost finished it just needs some more reviewing. As I promised it is much longer than the

previous chapters WHOOP!!!! Unfortunately finals are going to keep me from finishing for at least another week. I'm sorry!!!!! I would like to thank everyone who has added my story to

their favorites or added it on their alerts it means a lot to me especially since this is my first story. Speaking of reviews nobody has reviewed my story yet, 'tear'. I would really love to hear

any comments you have or any suggestions pretty please!!!!!!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!!!!

aggiecullen10


	5. Forks High

**I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does *sigh*.**

**BPOV**

**BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

"Ughhh!" I groaned as my alarm clock started screaming at me. Grumpily I picked up my phone turned the alarm off and tossed it on the bed.

I sat up and ran my hands through my hair wincing when the hair caught the cut on the palm of my hand. I then glanced at my arm and noticed that dried blood was caked on my arm. As I continued to look at my arm my eyes were assaulted with the image of the cuts that littered them, about five or six per arm, scattered around to try and make them as inconspicuous as I got out of bed and walked over to my closet digging out a pair of washed blue levis and a long sleeved brown shirt. Then I cleaned the blood off of my arm and inspected the cut, it was deep I put some butterfly sutures on to keep the gaping edges together. I have learned over time that using the butter fly sutures makes the scars smaller and easier to hide. I threw on my clothes and quickly applied my makeup, water proof of course because I knew that at some point during the day I would probably have a breakdown.

Grabbing my backpack from my room I went down the stairs, lost my footing on the last step and fell on my butt. "Geez!" I cried out in annoyance, "Well today's going to be just great." I muttered sarcastically while rubbing my sore backside. I glanced around and noticed that Charlie was not home, I guess he must have already left for work, living with Charlie will be almost like living alone I thought to myself. I went into the kitchen and looked through the pantry and had to laugh. There was not much besides peanut butter, ramen noodles and various other box meals I settled for a granola bar and walked over to the fridge which consisted of beer, milk and various assorted leftovers from restaurants. I grabbed a glass of milk and ate my breakfast quickly. "I am definitely going to need to go to the grocery store." I said shaking my head, "Men." It was then I noticed a jar on the counter that said "Food Money" I went to it and grabbed some money "Great I will go to the store after school. I was just about to walk out the door when I noticed an envelope on the table with my name on it. I opened it and inside was a note, a twenty dollar bill and a key,

**Bells,**

**Sorry I had to leave for work early this morning, I have left you some money for you to buy lunches at school and well I figured you wouldn't want to be driven around in a police cruiser plus it would be easier if you didn't have to depend on me for transportation, consider it another welcome home present. I hope you like it.**

**Love,**

**Dad**

"Whoa, you have got to be kidding me, Charlie bought me a car." I bolted outside as fast as I could but careful so that my "gracefulness" would not get the best of me. In the driveway there was an old red Chevy truck. "Oh my god this is amazing!' I was the perfect vehicle for me, a tank. I opened the door hopped inside and started the truck. It roared to life. "Well Forks High, here I come." I said in a false cheery voice, I put it in gear and drove off for my first day of school.

Once I had arrived I headed to the front office to get my schedule and ran to get to my first class English, arriving just in the nick of time. I handed the teacher the slip from the office, "Well, Ms. Swan welcome to class my name is Mr. Mason, just go take a seat, we are just about to start reading 'Wuthering Heights'." I quickly nodded and scramble to the back of the classroom, narrowly missing tripping over my chair. I received lots of snickers and laughs, "What's it like to be graceful?" said a nasally voice say. Then the whole class began to laugh. I just sank in my chair and buried my face in my book. The rest of the morning past agonizingly slow, I hugged myself to try and keep from falling apart. I was in so much pain I missed my mom so much and I just couldn't stop thinking about her. It felt like someone had taking a knife and carved my heart out of my chest. All around me I could hear people whispering about me, I hear snippets of "Isabella"and"her mom died", I did my best to ignore them and tune it out. However I failed miserably and the morning drudged on forever.

When the lunch bell rang I slowly made my way to the cafeteria. As soon as I walked in I felt all eyes on me and instantly I was sick to my stomach. I went to the lunch line and grabbed a bottle of water and a bag of crackers and looked for an empty table, once I found one I walked quickly to it and sat down. I pulled my worn out copy of 'Wuthering Heights' from my bag, its spine was almost completely ruined from all the times I have read it. "Well at least English will be easy," I mumbled quietly to myself. I ate a few of my crackers but they only made my stomach churn more. I continued to feel people staring at me at and it was becoming very unnerving, frustrated I sat my book down and put my head in my hands and closed my eyes trying to find a "happy place" with no luck. The only thing I found was more unease and a memory of my first day of middle school:

"_So Bella are you ready for your first day, wow I can't believe you are starting middle school today. I remember your first day of preschool time sure does fly by fast!" my mom said as she jokingly pinched my cheek. Laughing I pushed her hand away, "Come on mom I'm not a baby anymore!" sighing she grabbed my hand looked me and the eye and said, "It doesn't matter how old you are, you will always be my baby."_

My chest began to ache and I felt a few tears escape and wiped them away quickly hoping nobody saw them. I ran my hands through my hair and picked my book back up and began reading. "Hello!" said a high musical voice that reminded me of wind chimes. Startled I dropped my book and turned around and saw five of the most beautiful I had ever seen in my life, they made me feel even more insignificant if that's even possible. However I felt oddly at ease and entranced by their presence.

The voice came from the petite girl reminding me of a pixie with short spiked black hair going in every direction. "Could we sit with you?" she asked. I looked around and saw that there were other empty tables available and was bewildered by why they would want to sit with me. I really wanted to be alone but I didn't want to seem unfriendly so I nodded and said "Sure", my voice was a bit shaky, I hope they didn't notice.

"My name is Alice." said the pixie. Next to her stood a guy with curly blonde hair, he had a small grimace on his face, "I'm Jasper." He said.

My eyes bugged out at the sight of the guy next to him, if he could be considered a boy he was massive like a bear and he had a goofy grin on his face. "Hey I'm Emmett!" he said in a big booming voice.

Right beside Emmett was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen she was tall with a perfect curvy body with long brilliant blonde hair. "Rosalie", she said with a smile.

Next to Rosalie stood what could only be described as a god. He had the most beautiful face with golden eyes and unruly bronze hair. "Hello, my name is Edward Cullen." He said in a velvety voice and then pulled his lips into the most adorable crooked grin that made my heart melt.

They all sat down and I tried to go back to my book but before I could pick it up, "How do you like Forks?" Edward asked. Completely flustered at all of the unwanted attention I began to ramble, "Umm… ahh, well its really wet and cold, I hate the wet and cold." I stammered. "It's also way to green." I said with a small laugh.

"Well you better get used to it because its always green here, and it really never stops raining." Rosalie said with a chuckle.

"What happened to your hand?" Alice said in shock grabbing it to examine it, I winced as she grabbed it, geez her hands were as cold as ice! Plus my hand was really sore. I knew that this was coming it was only a matter of time before someone asked about it but luckily for me I am the best at making up stories.

"Oh that, I was cooking dinner last night, while I was cutting onions the knife slipped." I said slowly pulling my hand away not wanting to because her cold hand felt good on my now throbbing hand. I didn't want to do it to fast or it might seem suspicious. It really scared me sometimes how easily it was for me to lie and cover up what I was doing to myself.

As I was pulling my hand back Edward gently grabbed my hand, my hand tingled as little sparks of electricity went off at first contact. The look on his face made me think he felt it to, wow I must be delusional. "It looks kind of deep do you need to go get stitches? Our father is a doctor and he wouldn't mind." Edward said concerned.

I had to stifle a laugh because if they heard me laugh they would think I was insane, if they think that's bad they would probably die at the sight of my arms. Taking my hand back yet again I said "No that's not necessary it happens a lot, it will heal fine, thanks though." I quickly told them, damn I put my foot in my mouth.

They seemed surprised, "It happens a lot?" Jasper asked apprehensively.

I was mentally kicking myself for being so stupid, I recovered as fast as I could, "I am a bit of a klutz, and very accident prone." They all seemed to buy it, but they were defiantly sensing something was off, great just freaking perfect.

"So what exactly brings you to Forks?" Rosalie asked trying to change the subject. As soon as she said that I immediately felt my heart begin to beat harder and faster and my chest began to hurt, I was grateful to get off the subject of my hand but this conversation would not be any better.

"Well, I moved up here to live with my dad." I said trying to hide the pain in my voice. I looked over and saw that Jasper had a pained grimace on his face, I wonder what his problem was.

"How come you moved in with your father?" Emmett asked.

I was having a hard time breathing and I could feel the tears beginning to sting my eyes I couldn't stay any longer my heart could not take it and I was about to have a breakdown. I was trying desperately to figure out what to say so that I wouldn't raise any questions about me but get away from them as soon as I could. I looked in my back pack and gasped, "Crap! I forgot by biology book in my locker, it was nice to meet ya'll bye!" I said, in a shaky voice praying they bought my lie, I got up and walked away from the table as fast as my legs could take me. I didn't even give a glance back because I felt the tears begin to roll down my face.

**EPOV**

I watched mesmerized as Bella hurried out of the cafeteria, she was absolutely breathtaking but there was something about her that I couldn't quite figure out. When I touched her hand I had the most amazing sensation like little sparks of electricity.

"What did I say?" Emmett asked with a pout on his face. "Well apparently when we asked her about moving here we hit a nerve." Rosalie said concerned putting a hand on Emmett's arm.

I looked over at Jasper and he had his hands on his head massaging his temples. "I don't think I have ever felt that so much pain coming from one person." Alice grabbed his hand and started rubbing circles on the back of it with her thumb she had a troubled look on her face. "It's not just pain either, she feels extremely alone and worthless she seems so broken." He said giving Alice an appreciative smile.

"I would assume that it has something to do with why she had to move to Forks, something happened to her." I said upset Bella seems like such a sweet innocent person and does not deserve to suffer like this.

"What was Bella thinking Edward?" Alice asked. "I don't know I can't hear her thoughts." I said frustrated. I received shocked open mouthed stares from my siblings. I couldn't help but laugh at their faces it was priceless. Rosalie rolled her eyes and Alice smacked me on the side of the head while my brothers started smirking.

"Now lets be serious for a moment shall we, Edward you really can't read her mind?" Rosalie asked puzzled. I shifted in my seat. "No its like Bella is a mental mute I cannot hear anything and its maddening." I told her.

"Hey Eddie it's like you can hear FM radio and she is AM radio!" Emmett said booming with laughter. Rosalie rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the chest. I grimaced, I loathed him calling me Eddie. "Emmett don't call me Eddie." I growled.

Turning to Alice I asked her, "Have you seen her future Alice?" She looked at me and said "Not much, just of her running to the bathroom after leaving the cafeteria and a few snippets of her here and there but nothing concrete." She told me. Alice was singing the 'Star Spangled Banner' in Spanish in her head and she had a huge grin on her face. She was definitely hiding something from me. I have no idea why but I feel very protective of Bella. It pains me to see her suffering and not being able to help her. No matter what it takes I am going to find out what's wrong with Bella, and I am going to help her.

**BPOV**

I quickly exited the cafeteria and as soon as I was through the doors I bolted in to a run for the bathroom. I ran to the stall farthest from the door and slammed it shut sinking to the floor beginning to silently sob. Fearing someone hearing me I was as quiet as possible. I cried because I was weak, because I was pathetic. I thought to myself that the Cullen's probably think I am a freak or something which is true I guess, normal people don't hurt themselves to ease their emotional pain. It's a weird concept, using physical pain to overshadow emotional pain.

My thoughts then went to Edward, I could not put into words how I felt about him. I barely knew him yet I was completely taken by him, his beautiful face with that adorable crooked smile and how caring he seemed about a total stranger. I sighed knowing that there was no possible way he would ever care for me in anything other than platonic if even that I mean how could he, I'm just plain, simple, boring, and broken Bella. Besides I didn't even know if I could trust another guy after what happened with Jason.

I probably scared the Cullen's away anyway. I was finally able to calm myself down and I got up off the floor and wiped the tears of my. Walking out of the stall I was shocked to see Alice. "You left your book on the table." She said handing it to me. "Thank you." I said stuffing it into my backpack.

"So how many times have you read 'Wuthering Heights'?" Alice laughed, "That book looks like it is about to fall apart." I couldn't help but smile, her happiness was contagious.

"Actually I have lost count." I told her.

"Sorry I ran out like that, I tend to get a little overworked when I forget things." I truly felt sorry about it, I really liked the Cullen's they have been the only ones to truly accept me.

"That's okay, I can tell that we are going to be best friends!" she squealed giving me a knowing smile and surprising me by grabbing me in a hug that was so strong I was stunned a person of her size was capable of giving.

Just then the bell rang sweet salvation, Alice was beginning to smother me. "Well, gotta get to class, bye Alice." I told her.

"Alright, lunch tomorrow?" she asked "Sure" I said giving her the first genuine smile I had in along time. Alice then gracefully pranced out of the bathroom.

I was a bit uneasy about all of the occurrences during lunch and with Alice in the bathroom. It was nice to know some people but there was just something about them and not knowing it was frustrating. I briskly walked to my next class biology to avoid being late. As I walked in to the classroom I handed my slip to the teacher. "So you are the infamous Ms. Swan, my name is Mr. Banner ummm, why don't you go have a seat next to Mr. Cullen, Edward could you raise your hand please." It was then that I looked over towards the back of the room and saw the beautiful face of Edward Cullen.

A/N: As promised this chapter is longer, twice as long as the others YAY!! So now Bella has met the Cullen's. I bet you want to know who Jason is do you?! Sorry you will have to wait just a bit longer to find out *laughs diabolically* I used my study breaks to finish this chapter so I would really appreciate your reviews, they give me the inspiration to get the chapters out faster. I would like to thank those have reviewed, favorited this story thank you!


	6. Confusion and Finding Out

A/N: I do not own Twilight Stephanie Meyer does

**BPOV**

To say the least I was surprised to see that Edward was in my biology class let alone that he was going to be my lab partner. I gripped the strap of my back pack, a little too hard because the cut on my hand started to throb. I let the strap go and placed my hand by my side. All at once I was filled with many different emotions, I was happy because I was entranced by Edward's very presence. There was something about him other than his god like features, adorable crooked smile and unruly bronze hair that I couldn't quite figure out that drew me into him.

However at the same time I was scared to death of him and how I possibly felt about him. I have been hurt so much in the past that I don't know if I will ever be able to trust again. Also Edward seemed like the type of person that tried to figure people out and I could already tell that he was trying to figure me out. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to delve into the inner most workings of my screwed up mind.

"You can take your seat now Ms. Swan." Mr. Banner said breaking my train of thought. It was then that I realized I had been staring at Edward. I blushed and scurried off to my seat.

When I sat down I went to scoot in my lab stool and managed to make it topple over. I braced myself for impact with the ground but instead I felt stone cold arms wrapped around me. Instantly I felt that same electricity that I had earlier when our hands touched at lunch, but this time it was all throughout my body and it left me breathless. I looked up at Edward as he swiftly sat me on my feet like I didn't weigh anything. I took a deep breath because I was beginning to feel light headed. "Thanks Edward," I meekly told him embarrassed, my face the color of a cherry tomato at this point. He chuckled and said "You're vertically challenged aren't you?" then he smiled that adorable crooked smile of his. "You don't know the half of it." I told him.

"Alright guys! Today on your lab bench I have put some onion slides and I want you and your partner to identify which stage of mitosis each slide is." Mr. Banner said way too enthusiastically. I inwardly groaned and then sighed out loud crossing my arms on the table. Edward looked at me and before he could say anything I said "We already did this lab at my last school."

Grinning he grabbed the microscope and put the first slide into place and said "Ladies first." I rolled my eyes "What a gentlemen." I said sarcastically. I looked into the microscope and immediately recognized it. "Anaphase." I told him. "Could I take a look?" Edward asked. Normally I would have been offended at someone questioning my intelligence but his velvety voice and beautiful smile made me putty in his hands. I just smiled and pushed the microscope over to him "Anaphase." He said. "Just like I said." Smiling Edward took off that slide and slid on the next "Prophase" he said. "Mind if I take a look?" I asked him smirking "Be my guest." Edward said handing me the microscope. "Prophase" I said. Edward chuckled "Like I said". This exchange continued until we had identified each slide, we finished well before the rest of the class and the end of the period. I knew that the line of questioning was about to begin any second, great.

"So what is your next class?" Edward asked. "Gym." I told him sighing, I was definitely not looking forward to it. He then ran his hands through his messy hair, he must have sensed my disdain for gym because he started laughing.

"What is so damn funny?" I asked him. Edward looked at me and smiled "You crinkled your nose when you said you had gym next."

"Well I am not very good at sports and I will not go through the period without at least one bruise, and that's if I am lucky." I told him putting my elbows on the table and cradling my head in my hands. He started laughing at me, I playfully smacked him on the arm. He looked at me in mock horror. I was surprised at how easy it was to be myself around Edward. I felt safe with him.

Just then the bell rang and I gathered up my things and carefully exited my stool to head for the torture chamber also known as the gymnasium. I thought this is where we would part ways but he followed me. I desperately wanted to be alone but at the same time I did not want him to leave and my indecisivness was beginning to frustrate me.

"So tell me about yourself." Edward asked. Damn that cute smile of his. "Well my dad, Charlie is the police chief, but I am assuming you already knew that because everyone else does." I said. "You are correct. " He told me. "Everyone in this town knows you are Chief Swan's daughter."

I groaned at the thought of me being some type of small town celebrity. "What's the matter? He said teasingly. "I prefer to keep to myself and hate the fact that everyone in this stupid town knows who I am." I said putting a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Why is that?" he asked.

"You could call me the suffer in silence type." I told him as I walked into the gym. I left Edward with a look of confusion on his face. I frowned, maybe telling him that wasn't the best idea.

Gym class was interesting to say the least. Couch Clapp had us playing volleyball and she did not take mercy on me since it was my first day. No she handed me a set of gym clothes and told me to dress out. In the locker room I walked in to find a bunch of girls getting all dolled up. I had to roll my eyes at all the girls who thought it necessary to apply makeup and do their hair for gym class. Seriously they are just going to mess it all up anyway. I slowly made my way to my locker and opened it shoving my back pack inside. I waited for a majority of the girls to leave the locker room before changing. I couldn't risk letting any of them see my arms. Luckily the gym clothes also included a long sleeved shirt. Thank you cold weather of Forks.

While playing volleyball I managed to get pummeled by several balls a few of which I am sure were on purpose by a girl with long blonde hair that kept glaring at me. I found out a little later her name was Lauren after Couch Clapp yelled at her for playing with her nails. She seemed like a ditz to me. Also this annoying guy who introduced himself to me as Mike Newton followed me around like a little Labrador puppy. He tried to get me to play by passing me the ball. However after I accidentally hit him in the crotch with it he stopped and eventually everyone else followed suit. After the torture of gym class was over I quickly changed into my normal clothes and bolted out the door.

"What's with the rush?" I heard a velvety voice say. Startled I jumped about a foot in the air until then turned around to see Edward standing there with a look of concern on his face.

"I apologize, I didn't mean to frighten you." I put my hand on my chest in a feeble attempt to slow down my heart. "It's okay," I told him taking in a few deep breaths "You just can't pop out like that."

We began to walk slowly towards the parking lot across campus. I looked over at Edward and noticed that he was looking at the ground and wringing his hands together. It was obvious to me he had a question he was scared to ask. "Just spit it out Edward." I sighed it was going to eventually happen anyway, might as well get it over with. "Well Bella, what did you mean earlier when you said you are more of the suffer in silence type?" He asked hesitantly.

I closed my eyes and internally chastised myself for saying that earlier. I open my eyes and looked him directly into his. "I meant that I prefer to deal with my problems on my own." I continued to walk hoping he would drop it but of course he kept going.

"Bella please tell me what happened you seem to be in so much pain I want to help." Edward pleaded. He had a very sincere look on his face everything I had ever learned was telling me to just walk away and that you can't trust anyone. "Bella please!" he pleaded again. Something in me snapped and I yelled "My mom just died okay!" Tears began streaming down my face. "That and the rest of my life is completely fucked up." I told him almost sobbing.

I looked at Edward and his jaw had dropped, apparently he wasn't expecting me to react that way. He was about to say something when I interrupted him.

"I have to go." I told him quickly my voice shaking horribly. "Wait please don't leave I am truly sorry for upsetting you!" Edward said as he grabbed my wrist squeezing my cut causing me to whimper in pain. "Did I hurt you?" he asked concerned, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "No" I said pulling my arm away from him as I hastily walked away I continued to hear him call my name.

When I got to my truck I fumbled for my keys and opened the door climbed inside and slammed the door shut. It was then I noticed the blood stain on my shirt. "Shit!" I cried. When Edward grabbed my wrist he must have reopened the cut. I looked outside of my truck and saw that nobody was around I guess everyone else had already left.

I gingerly pulled up my sleeve to look at my arm. At this point blood was sluggishly flowing down my arm. "Crap!" I muttered irritated. I searched through my back pack until I found my first aid kit. Yes I carry around a first aid kit since it can really come in handy if you're a 'Class A' klutz like I am. Opening the kit I pulled out a piece of gauze and place it on the wound then I took a piece of bandage wrap and wrapped it around the gauze to apply some pressure.

I knew that this was all wrong, how could someone as wonderful as Edward ever have feelings for someone like me. I thought to myself running my hands through my hair. His kindness towards me has to just be pity because he feels sorry for me. Bella the freak who cuts herself who lost her mother and so much more. The funny thing is I was actually happy this afternoon talking to him, for the first time in four years I didn't have to fake it. Tears began to sting my eyes again and I blinked them back preventing them from freely flowing down my face. I gripped the steering wheel for support because my head started spinning. I laid my head against the steering wheel and closed my eyes. Wishing the world would just leave me alone. I picked up my head and grabbed the keys and turned on the ignition.

Then the sound of the radio filled the cab of the truck and I completely lost it. I slammed my hands against the steering wheel again and again. I cried out to release the emotional pain that was eating away at my soul. Then I cried out as I felt the blood coming down my already injured hand due me banging on the steering wheel. I didn't care I just curled up in a ball in my truck and sobbed to the song on the radio.

_I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road  
And its not like her to drive that slow, nothings on the radio  
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell  
She usually comes right in, now I can tell_

_Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry  
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed  
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye_

_I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday  
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way  
One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side  
And violins would play here comes the bride_

_Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry  
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed  
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye_

_Why does it have to go from to good to gone?  
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone  
All alone, but here comes goodbye_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh_

_Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry  
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed  
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye_

**EPOV**

How could I have been so stupid! I really made her upset, I had no idea her mother had just died. That must explain why she is in so much pain. However it just doesn't add up Jasper said she also felt alone, worthless and broken. I can understand her feeling all alone but why would she feel like she doesn't matter and why would she be broken by that. Her mother's death is only the tip of the iceberg. Bella even said herself that she is the suffer in silence type. I was so frustrated I feel so helpless because I want to help her and take away her pain but I don't know how.

Then it hit me, the most intoxicating and wonderful scent hit my nostrils. It smelled of freesias and I began to feel the venom pooling in my mouth. I was at the height of my self control and did not know how much longer I could control myself. I looked around for the source of the smell but did not see anything out of the ordinary. That's when I realized my hand felt wet. I looked at my hand and was horrified by what I saw blood, Bella's blood.

A/N: I am so sorry it has been awhile since I have updated. I just got done moving to a new apartment and have been exausted. SO?!?!?!? What do ya'll think? Edwward finally knows part of her story and I already have the next chapter in mind hopefully I will update pretty soon it will consists of another part of her past.! Please REVIEW!!! Its like crack to me lol! If you haven't already you should check out my other story "Different Kind of Monster" its about Bella on energy drinks.

The song is "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts


	7. Blood

**A/N: The wonderful Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me. I have had bit of a case of writers block so I am sorry about the wait. So read, REVIEW, and enjoy!**

**EPOV**

I was in a state of shock as I stared at my hands.

They were stained crimson, covered with Bella's blood.

I began to feel the venom in my mouth flowing and that all too familiar burn in my throat.

The smell of Bella's blood was absolutely tantalizing. Mocking me as I looked down, small beads of blood slowly ran down my hands and dripped to the ground, as if it was daring me to taste it.

"No." I forcefully told myself balling my hands into fists and not looking at them. I had to be strong, if Bella's scent is that addicting I cannot imagine what tasting her blood would do to me.

I would probably lose control and I cannot let that happen. I knew that I needed to get the blood off of my hands as fast as possible.

It is one thing to see blood or to smell it but this is absolute torture.

I began to jog to the bathroom at a believable human pace receiving a few stares along the way because of the blood on my hands. Probably giving them another reason to think I am weird.

When I got there luckily the bathroom was empty. I hastily walked over to the sink and began washing my hands. The water turning pink as it was cleansing my hands of the sweet forbidden fruit.

As I was scrubbing my hands I began to think and was extremely confused as to why I had her blood on my hands in the first place. I am sure that it did not grab Bella hard enough to hurt her. I am positive of that much.

I do remember her flinching when I grabbed her wrist but I had assumed it was due to how cold my hand was. I groaned in frustration.

I dried my hands and began walking towards the parking lot when I smelled it again however this time it was much stronger, instinctively I covered my mouth and nose with my hand and closed my eyes.

After a moment I opened my eyes held my breath and continued walking to the lot at a brisker pace but I didn't dare trying to see if the scent got stronger just in case I couldn't control myself.

Arriving at the lot I saw Bella sitting in her truck, I stalked closer to her like a mountain lion, carefully to avoid letting her see me.

Looking around I noticed that Bella was parked next to a large tree. Quickly and quietly I hopped onto a low branch that gave me a good view of Bella.

I glanced at her arm and saw that the sleeve of her shirt was stained with blood and not a little either the entire bottom portion of the sleeve was dripping with blood.

I involuntarily gripped the tree a little tighter.

Bella looked around the parking lot and then she rolled up her sleeve on the arm covered in blood.

I was horrified by what I saw. Bella had a very deep laceration on her arm that was slowly weeping blood.

"Crap!" I heard her mutter.

Even though I wasn't breathing I covered my mouth and nose and felt that terrible burn in my throat flare worse than it had ever before.

Bella's scent was breathtaking, addicting it was calling out to me.

I watched her dig in her bag and pull out a first aid kit and wrap the wound.

At second glance I saw the other scars and was puzzled yet again.

This seems to be a recurring trend.

She might be clumsy but those look like they were caused by some type of blade.

I growled at the thought of someone hurting my sweet Bella. Wait hold on a second, "My Bella?" I said out loud to myself.

I was interrupted during my musings by an annoying little pixie.

"Edward where are you are you okay?" I heard Alice impatiently yelling at me with her thoughts. I rolled my eyes she knew I was okay she sees the damn future.

"I saw what happened between you and Bella earlier so I told everybody else to go home. I stayed behind and I am waiting for you outside the gym by the bleachers see you in five minutes and thirteen seconds!" She said extremely fast.

I shook my head and could not help but let out a small laugh at my sister she is such a sweet little nutcase.

I have a feeling she is going to kick my ass when I see her for that comment. Alice may be small but she is a terrifying little monster.

I looked back to Bella and she had tears in her eyes and she looked like she was hurting and I knew that it was about more than her arm.

Bella laid her head on the steering wheel with each breath she took her entire chest shook from her crying.

I wish I could read her mind this is so frustrating.

All day I am bombarded with thoughts of the other students at school and all of their shallow musings of lust, anger and cruelty towards each other. But the one person whose thoughts I cared about the most and wanted to know I could not decipher.

I wanted to understand what she was going through and help her in anyway possible.

I sighed "I guess I have to do this the old fashioned way."

Then Bella slowly picked her head up and hastily wiped the tears from her eyes and started the ignition her pickup.

Then I heard her cry out in agony. The sound that emitted from her lips was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever heard.

I watched helplessly as she began shaking horribly. Bella forcefully banged her hands against the steering wheel repeatedly, the cut on her hand then reopened and her sweet precious blood leaked from her hands covering the steering wheel.

Bella then curled up into a small ball and began to sob.

I so desperately wanted to go over to Bella and comfort her, to tell her that it was going to be alright and I was there for her but I knew I couldn't.

I did not want to scare her or risk getting to close to her blood. I watched over my angel as she cried, my dead heart aching for her. I stayed in the tree until I could not stand the sight anymore.

Then I quickly jumped out of the tree and headed towards the gym. As I rounded the building and the gym was in view I was startled as a basketball connected with the side of my head.

"Dammit Alice!" I growled at her "What was that for?"

"That was for calling me a nutcase you stalker!" she said smacking me upside the head.

Alice then picked up the basketball and tossed it behind her effortlessly making the basket. "Have I ever told you that you are one scary little monster?"

Alice smirked at me, "Occasionally".

"Care to explain to me how I am a stalker?" I questioned her sitting down on the bleachers.

"Well lets see my dearest brother, first you followed her to gym class, then you waited outside the door the entire period for her to come out and then you confronted her and upset her _'smack on the head'_ and then you followed her to her truck and hopped in the tree and watched her." She rambled at pixie speed.

"I am not a stalker, I am just concerned about her and would you quit smacking me!" I said frustrated. I began to run my hands through my hair and close my eyes to try and relax but couldn't.

I heard Alice sit down next to me on the bleachers then I felt her tiny arms wrapped around me, "Its okay Edward I'm concerned for Bella to." She said letting go of me, "How bad was it Edward?" I sighed and turned towards her.

"Bella has a large laceration on her wrist, it was about an inch long and pretty deep, and blood was pouring out of it." I told her.

Alice grabbed my hand and squeezed it trying to comfort me. I gave her a weak smile.

"Not only that but she has lots of scars on her arm and cant help but wonder if …" I struggled to put into words what I wanted to say, "She does it to herself." Alice finished for me. I looked at the ground and shook my head, "Yes."

**A/N: Alright I am really sorry to those if you that like this story for me taking so long to update, summer school sucks and I have been super busy. Plus it's kind of hard to update with the meager reviews I have been getting. Thank you to those of you that have reviewed! So PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! Next I know that I have kept ya'll hanging about Bella's past. I promise the next chapter will reveal all. I just believe that the story needs to be built up some and not just immediately reveal all; there is less suspense and need to read if it's like that for me anyway.**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own Twilight Stephanie Meyers does :' {**

"She laid her heart and soul right in your hands, and you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans. She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens when the only voice she hears is telling her she can't. Stupid boy."

-"Stupid Boy", Keith Urban

I love driving, it never fails to have a soothing effect on my nerves. I guess it's the constant humming of the engine or watching the scenery as it quickly goes by. It feels almost like and an out of body experience. Seemingly shielded from the outside world in a bubble, however that bubble is easily popped once you reach your destination.

I took in a few deep shaky breathes, I could feel my shoulders tensing as I approached the house fearing that Charlie would be home. Wondering how I was ever going to explain my bloody shirt and pickup to him. Once I rounded the corner my prayers were answered, "Thank you God!" I sighed releasing a breath I didn't realize I had been holding, my body began to instantly relax some.

After carefully pulling into the driveway I turned off the engine and let my hands slowly slide down the steering wheel and gently land in my lap. Sitting in the cab of my pickup I began to survey the devastation I had havocked on my poor truck that I had just gotten only a mere eight hours ago.

The steering wheel was caked in blood and the seat was marred with some minor blood spatter stains. I groaned in frustration at myself and how completely stupid I had been. I needed to hurry and clean this up before Charlie got home. No doubt that would be an interesting conversation.

I dashed into the house and went to the bathroom and pulled a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and some rags from beneath the sink. Once I had made it back to the pickup I poured the peroxide on the stains of the seat to allow it to do its job. As soon as the hydrogen peroxide touched the stain it instantaneously began to bubble and dissolve away the blood, then I scrubbed it all away.

My mom had taught me years ago about the magic of hydrogen peroxide. It is a truly amazing liquid because it can clean blood out of anything leaving it as if it had never been stained in the first place. Given my klutzy nature my mother was skilled in cleaning up the blood from the various cuts and scrapes I accumulated as a child.

I stared at it for a moment with a kind of morbid fascination, if I could only find the equivalent of hydrogen peroxide for my heart. I shook my head and let out a dark chuckle "I doubt that they make anything corrosive enough." Then I soaked a rag and cleaned the steering wheel.

Satisfied with my cleaning job I went into the house and headed up the stairs to the bathroom. "Now time to clean myself." I sighed.

I gingerly took off my shirt flinching in pain when it caught on the laceration breaking the clot causing it to bleed yet again. I rolled my eyes irritated and at this point. I put my arm above the bathtub to avoid making a huge mess of the floor. After removing the rest of my clothing I turned on the shower and stepped inside. I leaned against the back wall and slowly slid to the floor and sat in the tub letting the water hit me. I watched as the water turned red and swirled down the drain.

After finishing my shower I quickly bandaged my cuts, got dressed and went to the grocery store. In a town this small it wasn't difficult to find. I mindlessly walked through the aisles grabbing all of the essential groceries we would need for the week. I decided to make Charlie a special dinner tonight, chalupas. I know how much he loves Mexican food. I definitely owe him for trying so hard to make me feel at home. I had to smile at my father we are way too much alike. Same stubborn attitude, same introverted behavior.

Rounding the corner I saw Edward standing at the end of the next aisle staring at me, I blinked and then he was gone. I was confused. I was absolutely certain that I had just seen Edward Cullen watching me in the store. I shook my head and let out an almost hysterical sounding laugh "Wow I am really beginning to lose it." I muttered making my way to check out.

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As I was making the finishing touches to dinner I heard the front door slam open. "Hey Bells I'm home, wow what smells so good!" Charlie said hanging his belt and coat on the rack.

"Chalupas, your favorite, by the way thank you so much for the pickup I love it Dad." I told him setting the meat on the table.

"Not a problem, I kind of figured the police car would be mortifying to drive you around in, plus I don't want you to be stuck at home." He said heading to the fridge, "Wow you even went grocery shopping thanks kiddo. I meant to do that before you came." He said looking at the ground sheepishly.

"No worries Dad, I don't know how you lived off restaurants and fast food." I said wrinkling my nose.

"Well it saves me from doing dishes plus I'm not much of a cook." Charlie said defending himself as he sat on the table piling food on to his plate.

I couldn't help but smile a how defensive my father was about his dietary habits, "I'll be the chef from now on, I like eating out sometimes but it gets old quick." I told him sitting across from him at the table. "Consider it a thank you for everything your doing for me."

"That would be fantastic Bells but are you sure, you know you don't have to." He said taking a huge bite of his chalupa.

"No I want to Dad." I told him staring at my plate pushing my food around with a fork.

"Hey Bells," Charlie said nervously, he began tapping his fingers on the table obviously trying to figure out how to talk to me about something.

"If there is anything you need to talk about, I am her for you if you want to talk about your mom or anything else." Charlie said looking up at me.

I looked up from my plate, "Thanks Dad." My eyes immediately fell back to my plate, I wasn't hungry anymore.

I dropped my pen on my desk as I finished the last problem of my trig homework. My hand was throbbing incessantly. Several drops of blood fell on to the desk. "Ugh I give up!" I said defeated. I packed away my homework and rewrapped my hand. As I was doing this my thoughts drifted to Edward. I felt bad for the way I had treated him that afternoon. He didn't deserve it. Edward and his family were the only ones who acknowledged my existence and had treated me like a person and I was a complete bitch to them.

Frustrated I grabbed Charlie's filet knife out of the night stand. Taking it out of the sheath I marveled at its long sharp blade. Contemplating what I was going to do with it I was tapping the blade on the side of my elbow. One tap was too forceful, I hissed at the sharp pain and the sickening sensation of the knife hitting bone.

I instantly dropped the knife and my hand instinctively flew to cover the wound on my elbow. Blood was pouring out of it. I had heard Charlie snoring for a few hours now so I ran to the bathroom knowing it would be safe.

I put my arm over the sink and moved my hand to look at the injury. I was a bit nauseous at the amount of blood streaming out. I grabbed some toilet paper and held pressure to the wound for several minutes.

I looked at it again once the bleeding had subsided and was surprised at the damage. The blade had hit an area of little muscle and fat so it went straight to the bone, pretty deep. I flushed the wound and applied a bandage to it. The wound had already begun throbbing so I popped some Tylenol.

Sickeningly satisfied with myself I cleaned the blade and trail of blood leading to the bathroom. I crawled into my bed and fell into a restless sleep.

"_Jason!" I squealed excitedly running up to him wrapping my arms around his neck and pecking him on the cheek._

"_Hey Bella." Jason replied snaking his arms around my waist pulling me into him, "I missed you." He whispered into my ear, bringing his lips down to my neck kissing it gently. We grudgingly let go of each other and walked hand in hand to the cafeteria._

_I sighed happily, Jason was my first boyfriend. My best friend Sara had introduced us two weeks ago. He has short dirty blonde hair which was gelled down towards the front giving it a sleek appearance. Jason is fairly tall about 5'10 lean and muscled. He was wearing a black polo with Levis and a pair of black Nikes. _

_Jason is such a prince, he writes me love notes and sticks them in my locker or my back pack. This morning he brought me flowers! _

_Out of nowhere I felt someone jump on my back. I yelped in surprise and looked behind me to see Sara laughing hysterically._

"_Geez Sara what the hell!" I chastised her putting my hand on my chest in an effort to slow down my heart. _

"_Sorry, couldn't resist! You should have seen you face!" she giggled jumping off me._

_Sara is about my height with shoulder length dark blonde hair which she had pulled into a pony tail. She was wearing a fitted navy v-neck shirt and a pair of old worn jeans.  
_

_I playfully shoved her and we all stalked off to eat lunch. Well we attempted to eat lunch anyway. We ended up throwing most of it at each other. After getting yelled at by a janitor we were kicked outside._

"_So are you going to class tonight?" Jason asked me plopping down on a bench. Jason and I were taking taekwondo at the same studio. I was a red-black belt and he was a green belt._

"_Of course," I said "My black belt exam is next month so I need the extra practice." I finished sitting down next to him._

"_Are you nervous?" he asked nudging me on the shoulder._

"_Very nervous." I replied._

"_BELLA!" I heard someone yelling. I looked up in search of the source of the noise and saw a gangly boy with crazy light brown curly locks coming right at me._

"_Alex don't you even think..." I was cut off as he tackled me off the bench and plowed me into the ground._

"_Come on Bells I know you're a klutz but it's kinda sad that you always end up on the ground when I come to see you." He teased helping me off the ground._

_Once he had given me his hand I quickly grabbed his wrist and flipped him over my back and gently slammed his body to the ground. "Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing." I said smirking._

"_Dammit, I knew it was coming but your always manage to flip me!" Alex whined_

_Alex and I had been friends ever since we were six in kindergarten. He had grown so much since then but he still had the same goofy grin and bright blue eyes. _

"_It's good to see you to bud!" I told him giving him hug and quick kiss on the check, an innocent gesture of endearment. _

"_Hey Sara!" he said while giving her a hug._

"_What's up man?" Alex asked Jason. _

"_Nothing" Jason grunted irritated. _

_Alex and Jason did not get along very well. Alex had told me that there was something about him that didn't seem right. I shrugged it off and told Alex that it was just his overactive imagination. This is the same boy who will talk to his food and taunt it before he eats it so it can be difficult to take him seriously. _

"_I need to talk to you for a second Bella." Jason said roughly grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the opposite side of the building. "Sure" I said puzzled. "I'll see you guys after school I guess." I yelled back to Alex and Sara._

_All of a sudden Jason slammed me into the side of the building knocking the wind out of me. "What the hell was that Bella?" he said his voice dripping with venom. "Why the fuck did you kiss that stupid asshole?" He roared shaking me._

_Tears were freely flowing down my face in shock, my ribs were throbbing painfully._

_"He's my friend." I squeaked "It was just on the cheek."_

_That statement only infuriated him more. "You are such a whore!" he said kicking me hard in the stomach. I fell to the ground in agony. _

"_If you ever kiss him again you will be punished!" Jason threatened. _

"_You are so lucky to have me, nobody else would want you, because you're such a pathetic, ugly stupid slut." He said with mace walking away._

_I crawled behind some bushes in fear somebody would see me I began to silently sob.. I wrapped my arms around myself wincing in pain when my hands touched my chest and stomach._

_My seemingly prince charming had turned instantly into a monster._

**A/N: I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update! Classes have been kicking my ass this semester and I have been so swamped. This is half of the initial chapter but I felt so bad that I decided to post what I had written so far. What do you think? Please review! Pretty please with sprinkles and a chocolate covered Edward on top!!!!!**


	9. Authors Note Please Read!

Howdy!

I am so sorry that I haven't updated my stories in forever. This semester has been an absolute pain in the ass but it's finally over! I am currently working on new chapters and hopefully they will be up soon! I am also going to go over older chapters and fix some errors I and others have noticed. If anyone is interested in being my beta I would definitely appreciate it. I'm sure ya'll have noticed my grammar and punctuation sucks. (I blame my job medical notes do not need to have proper punctuation or grammar lol!)

Thanks and Gig 'Em!!

aggiecullen10


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